Thursday, August 21, 2008
Roller Coaster Extreme
We were waiting in line to board one of the fastest roller coaster rides in Malaysia. We walked over to our seats and sat there waiting with anticipation. My dad told me to fasten the silver buckle that stood dangling next to my shoulder. Slowly we started moving, my hands began to sweat, i could hear my heart beating in my ears. "WOWOWOWOWOWO," screamed the people behind and in front of us. As we moved higher and higher to the apex of the track. My heart pounded more then ever. Mu hands were shaking, but the only think that kept me calm was the aroma of hot dogs and french fries. I took one last breathe. With a blink of an eye we dropped!
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3 comments:
Nikaya, I thought your blog was really affective. The only thing I would say would be to explain who the “we” is in the post. Otherwise, I liked how you stated the scents that were in the air. It really reminded me of an amusement park. I also thought this was a very well written sentence, “My dad told me to fasten the silver buckle that stood dangling next to my shoulder.” I could really visualize it. Awesome piece!
Wow! Your paragraph was very well written. I loved when you said “As we moved higher and higher to the apex of the track. My heart pounded more then ever. My hands were shaking, but the only think that kept me calm was the aroma of hot dogs and french fries.” While reading it I felt my heart pounding like yours did and the smell of greasy hot dogs around me. It reminded me of my first experience of a roller coaster.
I think you could have done a slightly better job at the beginning. I think at the beginning you did an outstanding job telling us what you felt like but I couldn’t truly feel it myself. I think it would have been better if you maybe added a metaphor or something like that.
I really enjoyed reading you paragraph. It was all very detailed and made me feel as if I was there. I especially liked the part when you said “Then out of nowhere the coaster slows down, I turn around and we're no longer going downhill, with the coaster still moving at high speeds everything around me seems like blur, I can see ahead of us a turn and as we hit it I can hear the wheels against the metal roaring like a lion while sparks fly.” My adrenaline started pumping faster when I read this. It felt as if it was me instead of you that was one the roller coaster. Great job!
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